"Before starting with the purpose of this, I wanted to quickly say thank you to Tara for agreeing to take the brand and continue it forward. And thank you to Tiffany for taking on the role of social media guru. and finally to old man Jim for doing the workout programs we created while talking shit with me daily lol. I know I'm leaving this in good hands."
Prepare for a long one, It'll be hard to read as its hard to write as its going to be raw and full of emotion. So apologies now.
The idea to form Meathead Labz was basically me and some buddies talking shit in my garage after a workout about supplements. It was a conversation that normally would be discussed, and then forgot about. But for some reason, the opposite happened. Now we are nowhere near being a big supplement juggernaut, but I would like to think we did a couple cool things. We made some cool shit and partnered with a great vendor for clean supps, made some cool and funny t-shirts and provided people with some programs to help them wherever their journey took them. More importantly, we donated portions of our sales to local charities. Not to shabby I think in little over a year or business.
But, now things are different. I'm sure I'll be looked at as crazy or whatever, but fuck it. In the last 2 or so months, my life has completely fallen apart. I've done things that I'm not proud of, in fact very shameful, and all around shitty. My fault, no excuses., I fucked a lot of shit up.
Backstory, I have Bi-Polar 1 disorder, and have battled being crazy for a long time. with some success, but also with a lot of failures. Managing something like this isn't always a cake walk. Between medicines, the ups and downs and the constant overwhelming waves of mania or extreme depression. Not exactly something people like sharing about themselves. And controlling it, while can be done, isn't always easy. So like with everything that brings me guilt or shame, I spent a lot of time not on medicine thinking I had it under control, then I buried it or did whatever I had to to ignore it and not be honest to others and myself. That was really fucking stupid.
That backstory leads me to the present day. The hiding, dishonesty and all the stupid bullshit, has led me to my life crumbling, being a complete chaotic shitshow. And more importantly hurting someone I really love. I fucked up, plain and simple. And now here I am, COMPLETELY FUCKED. I ruined something really great, a lot of things actually, and it fucking sucks. If I could fix it, I would in a heartbeat. It is something that I will probably never forgive myself for, but looks like I don't have a choice. Just like bodybuilding, the routine that is a relationship, whether friendships or romantic, is a routine that has ups and downs, but at the end of the day, is all about progression for something great in the long run. This particular "progression" was so amazing until all the craziness. Little things like coffee would taste better, all day random texts, and even saying something simple as goodnight to each other. More importantly just having a chemistry that cant be denied. Without getting to far off topic, when someone looks at you that way, don't take that shit for granted, because when its gone, it fucking horrible. Also when something good goes away, whether due to miscommunication, growing apart and more importantly loss of trust, Its like soul crushing, or in my fucked up head, not progressing in training (see just like bodybuilding). its a constant daily struggle of worth, failure and the demons that are creeping in and taking over. and with medications and drugs/alcohol, fucks it up even more.
Anyway, after reading all that, you're probably like "WTF does this have to do with the brand"? Its simple. My head and heart are completely fucked up. Our brand is about health and fitness, and I'm not doing it justice, and not only feel like a complete failure, but a hypocrite. I'm probably the most unhealthy I've ever been. Not a good thing if your slinging health products and services.
So I need to separate myself so I don't destroy something else, god knows I've destroyed enough lately and hurt enough people. Will I return? I have no idea. But If I don't go away, It'll only get worse (if that's even possible). Will I get better? Again, I have no clue but I really hope so.
I know I am leaving this in good hands, and with people who will move it forward with integrity and more passion that I can give at this point. So there you have it. I'm a nutbar who needs help, and to figure my life out. If its alone, so be it as its my cross to bare. All I know is currently I feel nothing but overwhelming sadness, and that's not fair to people or the brand. So going at it alone it is.
In the words of my favorite Author Earnest Hemmingway "The son also rises, but the sun also sets". That can be looked at in so many different ways, guess how I view it depends on the day. For the sake of this update, its more about the setting of the sun.
Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk